They tread water together for hours, finally feeling
the storm pass. Slowly the sea quelled and the waves faded. The clouds thinned
and the sky cleared. By the time it ended the sun was gone and they were
left in a dark ocean, exposed to a dark sky. The stars had returned, infinitely
clear and devastatingly beautiful. He thought about the last time he had seen
them, how perfect that night had been and how different things were now.
He felt the urge to grit his teeth in anger at the absurdity of it all but
couldn't find the strength. His legs were numb from hours of pumping and
the fatigue was pervasive. The only solace he could find was that they were
in the South Pacific, at least they weren't freezing.
"Will
anyone come for us?", she asked quietly. Her voice was rough, parched.
"No
one's expecting us for another five days. I don't know that they'll even
get worried until a couple of days after that.", he answered honestly.
"There was a distress beacon on the boat, but I don't know if it activated
or how far we were carried from it. And I doubt it can be picked up once
the boat drops a few hundred feet under water."
He
didn't want to have this conversation, he didn't want to break her, but
in the back of his mind he had been going through the possibilities for
hours. He knew what they were facing and some of the scenarios he imagined
were incredibly frightening.
She
raised her head from his shoulder and looked at him for the first time since
they had reunited in the storm.
"What
do we do?", she asked innocently.
"What
do we do?", he thought. What do we do? It was the same thing he had
been asking himself the entire time they were being thrown about on the
waves, enduring the stinging rain and biting wind. What do we do? As the
hours passed and with them went the storm he kept returning to it. What
do we do?
He looked into
her eyes, faint in the darkness. He stared at her for a long time, the way
he had always done, attempting to memorize her, make her an insoluble, inseparable
part of his mind. This time was different and he knew it, as if all the
others were only practice preparing him for the time that would eventually
come, the time when he truly would only have the memory. Here she was, hundreds
of miles from the world, ravaged by the worst that nature has to offer,
nearly drowned and beaten down by hours spent fighting for her life. Here
she was, still the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He held her
close, held her firm, held her like he owned her.
"I'm
so sorry that I got you here, got you into this.", he said, feeling
the tears welling.
"Shhh.
Baby, no...", she put two fingers to his lips, "there's no time
for that. If I couldn't be with you... I wouldn't want to be." Her
tears rolled as she spoke.
He
held her quietly for a long while, looking out over the water. It was remarkably
calm now, almost glassy. He was only able to see twenty or so feet into
the night, but was sure that the tranquility stretched to the horizon in
all directions. There was no sound of the wind, no sound of the waves. Nothing.
"We
can't stay here.", he said in a voice of brittle stone.
She
understood what he meant. Once the night passed they would be facing the
relentless sun. They had no water and no real idea how long the wait would
be. And there were other things, things that lurked beneath them even now.
The thought of either of them watching helplessly as the other endured something
agonizing was horrific. She ushered it from her mind but let it's aura remain
to bolster her conviction as to what course they must follow.
"
What
do we do?", she asked again, already cognizant of the answer but needing
to hear it out loud.
"We
dive.", he pulled back to look at her as he said it. "We swim
as far as we can. Then it will be too far to make it back."
She
didn't say a word, her face amazingly calm, almost relieved. She pulled
to him again, slowly this time, embracing him tightly. She nodded her head.
The
thin, waxing moon was rising and they watched it come up. He reflected on
everything, running through the long list of life's memories in his mind,
but finding it difficult to concentrate on anything previous to their day
in the department store. The last six months is what he would miss the most,
the days that had held the true happiness, the times that had offered the
most promise. It wasn't so bad, this ending. There had been so much to fill
his recent life compared to the hollow years of the past. It was impossible
to argue that a moment this intense, this genuine, this rich was out of
place. He would not grow old. He would not die alone. He would not reminisce.
He would not fade into oblivion. He would not weaken. He would discorporate
at the absolute apex of his life's peak, the height of love's ardor. He
could find no sadness in that.
The
held each other silently for a long while.
"I
want to go.", she said, slightly startling him.
She
pulled back to look at him in the inadequate moonlight and he nodded
to her.
He leaned in
and kissed her, exactly as anyone would kiss if they knew it was to be the
last time. It conveyed every ounce of gentle caring, soft confidence and
overwhelming passion that his heart contained. She knew what she was to
him, but in that kiss he reiterated it to her with the totality of his being.
He wanted to convey it one last time, wanted to convey it intensely to make
up for all the times he would never get to do so again.
He
could taste a saltiness, but even surrounded by the largest salt water mass
in the world he recognized it clearly as the tears that were streaming down
her face to their lips.
When
they finally broke she took his face in her hands, her voice faltering.
"Don't let me go.", she stated strongly.
He
gripped her upper arms tightly, reassuringly. "Never."
She
smiled even as her body heaved with the sobs escaping her lungs. "I'll
see you soon.", she offered softly.
He
exhaled as hard as he could, then leaned in and kissed her one last time,
short and sweet.
She
breathed out hard and together they cadenced their descent, nodding their
heads once, twice, thrice. As they began to slip beneath the water she lunged
and kissed him again, locked to him as they descended into the deep.
Once
below the surface he was again hit with the peaceful sensation of solitude
as the world above evaporated. They turned and pointed their bodies downward,
holding hands as they drove themselves toward the bottom. He wasn't pulling
her and he didn't feel pulled. Together they kicked and kicked, diving deeper
and deeper in synchronicity. They continued on until he knew it was coming,
could sense it throughout himself completely. He couldn't tell if his eyes
were open or closed, nothing but soft, warm, darkness all around. There
was no panic. There was no pain. There was no fear. There was no sensation
other than the feeling of her fingers gently holding his.
And then there was nothing.